so i tell a few people i've started this blog and they say, oh, what is it about? and i'm like i have no idea what its about but if i don't start i'll never start right? so i've got to find some sort of direction.
thats the thing. i've got no direction. i sort of just feel like i'm floating along getting bumped either way like whattayacallit - - like a balloon going in the wind. if i knock into something i just get bumped around it. its no way to live.
what kind of ambitions does a single ballon have? bounce, bounce. i mean its nice when things are going smoothly and i'm flying high up into the air and i feel free but sooner or later i'm gonna hit something and get thrown in a different direction, deflate or just pop. besides, what is a life without a goal? don't i want to get from point A to point B? like point A is not birth and point B is not death and whatever happens in between doesn't matter. no. thats not the point of life.
the few people i work with, i ask them what they truly want to do with their lives and they are just happy being married and having kids. and so i'm like okay so you just live your days being happy with that? making some money watching your kids grow and making dinner for your husband/wife and each day you wake up to do the same thing?
how come not everyone has dreams like me? that frustrates me. i don't know what life is like without them. and sometimes it makes me feel like a real weirdo. and what frustrates me even more is that i will do nothing about my dreams. i hope and hope one day i have the courage enough to do what i really really want to do its like what am i waiting for? i'm 28 years old! i can do this now! and if i don't i'm gonna be these housewife ladies at my office but the difference between me and them is that thats not what i want to be in 20 years!
dearest balloon. where are you off too? which direction are you going in? when will the day be that i tie a string around you and actually guide you? someone please pass me some string. oh and for now, one of those pretty balloon weights that you get at the party store. i need to ground this mother fucker and start making some decisions and then off we will go.
