When you wish upon a star

About a year ago I gave up on myself, I gave up on a dream.. I said Hey, you, size 18/20, 180lbs. Me and you are going to be best friends forever. I know that I’ve tried to get rid of you for the past 13 years and you just don’t seem to want to leave me so you know, I’m in it for the long haul with you. Haul being the key word.



It was my dream to be normally beautiful. I remember when I was younger telling my mom “mommy when I dream at night, i’m skinny in my dreams, so I know one day I will be skinny” - maybe I was 13 years old when I said this. horrendous.



I’m on the verge of 30, I love my friends and when I walked into the elevator the other day I saw a coworker that I hadn’t seen in months and she said “omg! you’re skinny!! omg!”



By golly. I think I’ve finally got it. But how in the world….??



After resigning myself to being a chubb-o for the rest of my life I continued to attend the gym based on the fact that Michelle Marie Cast had a goal and she never gave up on it. I mean, I wanted to spend time with my wife so, okay, I’ll go to the gym with her. You know we were into spin class - I only went to spin class the first time because I was trying to be “spontaneous” and less selfish and less of a control freak and supportive of Michelle’s efforts.



Weight loss aside - here are a few lessons for the day, which I believe are courtesy or MMCast:

1. Michelle Marie Cast is the definition of inspiration

2. Never, ever, ever give up on a dream.

3. Determination and dedication will get you ANYWHERE you want to go.



Mirror, mirror on the wall - I don’t even care who is the fairest of them all. I used to care. I used to care A LOT because I was severely insecure. (excuse me while I vomit, in my mouth). Nothing wrong with being severely insecure, if that’s you’re thing and you’re happy about it. But… SPOILER ALERT you’re not happy about it.



I couldn't believe what I allowed myself to do.  Who did I think I was, giving up on myself? God put me on his green earth to just say “okay, whatever” I’m good with this unhealthy body and insecure attitude. NO. i don't think so.


I know I’ve said I’m making it all happen, I’m going for all my goals but I can't do that at once. And to be perfectly honest with myself, I just came to realize last night that this is one of my dreams and I’ve made it come true. Looking the way I do, being as healthy as I am, being 99% happy in my own skin - huge dream…came true.



As I approach my goal weight I hope I can find the confidence and the drive to really push forward to the next goal…..and the next goal could involve any of the following: rejection, rejection, rejection.



Here’s to overcoming the fear of rejection! :::crawls under her desk::::

shameful swee

i feel shame. i have not posted since February 10th!? that's kind of disgusting and i feel shame. can't say that much has changed. life is still good and i'm a little smaller than i was on february 10th. (hurray!) i've been wanting to write meaningful things...but i am not in the mood to expose myself in such a way. so let me touch upon a few other random things: its spring. lets face it, it was never really winter it was just "Falter" which is fall + winter. and then towards the end of february beginning of march it was Sprinter. a little bit of Spring and winter. Now, the centipedes are beginning to crawl up from the basement and slowly invade, EARLY. With Falter and Sprinter we get a lot of people either bitching about it "being too cold" when it was really only 45 degrees at its worst or "its too warm too soon." * * * * in other news...i got a migraine today. blerg.