Okay, fine. We've become addicted.

There are a few reactions that come into play when thinking about one of your favorite spin instructor's last day.

Horror
Despair
Sorrow
Sadness

Michelle and I received some horrifying news. And tonight when we stopped to think about our fitness future without her, Michelle threw herself off the couch to the floor and I commenced shortness of breath and light headedness.

This is one of those things that you wouldn't understand unless you have attended all of our spin classes for the last 2 months.

Lets be honest, exercise, when you have to do it to lose weight can really suck. But when you have awesome motivators by your side, it can make it so much fun. And if you know us, you know we don't stop talking about our spin classes "rapido! rapido! faster! faster! don't cheat yourself! push yourself! this is not a ride in the park! this is spin class!"

Cat and Carla, our spin instructors, have been two major motivators these last 2-1/2 months which we are so grateful for. Whether it was just their job or they really cared, they pushed us so much farther than I ever imagined I could go. Mish and I have lost at least 10lbs in that time (if not more) and those results have been even more motivating.

I know Cat will still give us beatings...

but we are losing Carla from our successful routine and this is some serious saddness - and much luck to her because she is moving on to something she really loves - Which will be and has already started to be my focus and motivation for the new year - doing something i really love.

and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have not posted since before thanksgiving. SHAME on me.

Listen, i won't bore you with the details of thanksgiving and christmas. I'll just put it to you this way:

food, shopping, stressing, spinning, stressing, shopping, wrapping, spinning, wrapping, spinning, shopping, stressing, cleaning, spinning, presents, food, presents, food, presents, food, spinning, standing on scale, crying, spinning.

Note: there was no sleeping.

And here we are, just a few days before 2012! Gosh. the year has just flown, let me give you a recap of events:

Our wedding, astoria, bridal shower, bridal shower, bridal shower, bridal shower, bridal shower, bachelorette party, bachelorette party, bachelorette party, weddings, weddings, new jobs, weddings, babies, weddings, weddings, babies, weddings, babies, thanksgiving, christmas.

Now here are some philosophical thoughts.

I have a resolution, i am not going to share it, but I've seen a lot happen over the last few years of my life and i realize that life is not worth living without goals. A goal that really means something to you. Setting the bar for yourself, high enough to reach of course, but with a challenge.

I haven't always been ambitious. I was a shy, timid, quiet kid who has a million talents that are just going to waste.

I've got speed now, like you know, pedaling uphill and you hit your stride and you're going faster than you ever thought you could with all the resitance against you? and I've got ambition. I have to thank my wife for this. She has tried to push my bike uphill for years.

She reached a personal goal this morning and i couldn't be happier for her. And she worked hard. beyond hard. and it didn't happen overnight, but it certainly was worth the wait.

I'm not thrilled that i got philosophical, cause its just plain cheesy, on the brink of 2012, but i just had to be me. I had to say it all because it was on my mind.

Now, go find something to live for - set a goal - GO!

Opa!

Picture it, Greece, 1956. A corner tavern. Red checkered table cloths. The old man locals at every table, indulging in wine and cigarettes. A few couples scattered here and there. The space, smaller than your bathroom.

Oh wait. This is Astoria, present day.

Welcome to Corner 26 Tavern. The best greek food in Astoria. Sorry Kyclades - or however you spell it.

This is not a restaurant review. i promise.

Michelle has been dying to try this restaurant. After "yelping" the reviews on it, which were rave, it was time to go. Afterall its just one block from our abode. We have passed it dozens of times during the warmer weather periods where people would enjoy the outdoor seating.

Lucky for us, we had a more intimate experience.

We were bordered by every greek man in astoria. We were the only people speaking english, besides maybe the asians sitting behind Michelle. As i gulped my wine and devoured my very amazing meal, i was hoping to be leaving until...the waitress took away our half carafe of wine....and refilled it.

"this is from grrregory" (roll of the R) she said. and she called to him at the front door. Gregory, a plump old greek man with spectacles came over to us and put his hands on our shoulders. We thanked him. He said "enjoy beautiful girls" with his heavy greek accent. we tell our waitress we will now be here for a long time "good!" she exclaims. ohhhhhh boy.

Awesome. We were now obligated to drink this wine and look good for the greek men. They were obviously going home to shriveled up greek olive wives.

We are approached by another man (greek, just incase you were wondering) from one of the tables asks us if we mind that he smokes inside the restaurant - the asians have already left. we politely tell him no, we don't mind. what else were we going to say? we just got free wine! these guys are obviously in the greek mafia!

Moments later, another gentleman asks michelle "you like a-greek food?" michelle responds "yes very much" i look at her with confusion "its teddy, our italian handyman for the apartment." i am shocked she recognizes him. Of course though i have been gulping this amazing wine. "i should ask him when he's finally ever coming to fix our stove range" she says.

By the end of the second carafe, michelle calls teddy out on being a lazy handyman, i kiss and hug Gregory who apparently is the owner and we wound up having the best greek food in town. Who knew. Michelle used the classic line "see? you can't judge a book by its cover, told you this place was awesome."

We stroll home and both admit we were creeped out that Teddy could tell these guys where we lived. We shrug. Tell eachother we are not going to Mosaic (the wine bar on the corner) and laugh our way into our apartment where amber is not phased we are home.

The end.

To Be Continued.

Lets begin with that i have a really pretty color nail polish this week. Sexy divide it is called and I didn't know that we actually own this color (thank you michelle). Its a deep purple color and for some reason i've actually stopped biting my nails so they are like totally the perfect length (shocker). I was a nail biter for 20 years. I even filed them myself the other day.

Anyway. Poor michelle is sitting here with a really bad toothache. I don't normally blog in bed but i don't want to be away from her. I feel terrible. We just had ice cream sundaes :D shhh. don't tell anybody.

In other news, i've got a lot on my mind today. . . . and i don't normally write what is on my mind, i normally just write observations of people but today i'm writing what is on my mind (i just nodded my head to my own thoughts, michelle can attest).

our friend alyssa stayed with us this week and a few discussions got me thinking (among some other events). I am going to post this and write what i'm thinking in a separate blog (omg, To Be Continued...).

Tell me whyyyy!?

Does anyone want to tell me why the locker room attendant at the gym HATES us?

I love my gym - adore my gym - so when i get off the subway (straight from work - this is how much i love my gym) i enjoy swiping my gym membership card, walking up 2 - 1/2 flights of stairs to the very decently scented locker room. But then i am faced with, Maria (allegedly this is her name). Her mug, no matter how sweetly i smile, not matter how courteous i am, no matter how much i follow the rules, Maria just gives me her mug. I do believe she snuck in a sneer at me today when i politely said hello to her upon my arrival.

I am just not quite sure what it is i have to do. I don't wanna get racist or anything but i look just as latina as any other latina that attends our gym.

The other day it was quite enjoyable, Maria was out and her understudy was SO SWEET.

Maria is a bitch. that's just the end of it.

morning and night

9:00am

Why is it that you never get anyone who smells good sitting next to you on the subway? Seriously!

Auntie Em was in full force this morning - that means it was windy- thank god for my new climate control hairspray. Although I could look like edward scissor hands right now and not know it.

On my walk to the train there was an automobile altercation - this poor guy in a convertible PT cruiser who looked like that gay--

Omg wait I've got to share that I thought the smelly woman sitting next to me got up but it was the girl on the other side of me and to boot, guy with body odor just scooted over. Fml.

Back to the PT cruiser gay jay Leno intern and old lady screaming at him. This story is suddenly unappealing and I may barf from all these horrific scents so I just got up. Thank god my stop is next. Im also pulling that "Cool person" move on the subway where I dont hold onto any of the safety bars.

***
6:00pm

This day has inspired me. Not only to write but I don't think I've ever felt so good inside about myself in 29 years.

If you told me ten years ago id be working at a high profile law firm for high profile attorneys and kicking ass id probably laugh in your face. I had no guts, no confidence and wanted nothing to do with commuting into Manhattan.

And it's not even so much that I love what I do to death. Its that im just good at everything I touch. (Except the violin). Excuse the overly confident swee. But she's been hiding it away for too long.

In other words, I am so worth it. Worth every bit of awesomeness that comes my way. I can do anything I set my mind to. People like me, contrary to popular belief, and I am one marketable mother @#*$-.

The change I made three months ago was the scariest decision I have ever made. It's done more than just improve my commute, its changed me, so much for the better, I cannot even describe.

The people around me who have brought my level of confidence above the skyline I am so blessed for.

And whether or not I receive the promotion I interviewed for today ill still feel this way. My manager still said fantastic things to me about myself and i'll just take that with me.

I take only a little credit for this new me. Michelle Cast is the one everyone should thank. Day after day the last 11 years of our lives together she has done nothing but push me to do better for myself. Reminded me I was worth more than my present situation. Ripped up my roots, planted me where I deserved to be.

That's what the perfect spouse is supposed to do right?

Let me stop before u all begin to projectile vomit. This just might become a little too much happiness for anyone to read.

sweetie + lisa = SWEESA

so allow me to explain the name of my actual blog.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named lisa. Her "fairy" Godmother Aunt Donna called to her one day, "sweetie!" She meant to say ...or was it "lisa!" She she wished to say...no matter how she tried to slice it it came out "SWEESA!" And from that moment forward little lisa was known to her family as sweesa.

As she grew the name went with her. Friends and family began to shorten it to sweez or the now very popular swee.

Good story, right? I know. (Sarcasm)

Anywho, when I was encouraged by many but especially the most by my wife Michelle to start this blog we decided I write best about true life. And because I have a twisted view...or sometimes im just plain backwards...we decided to call it "the swee life" a play on "the sweet life" because honestly my life is pretty sweet but that would just be very unoriginal and this is a huge run on sentence.

The end.

black velvet if u please.

There is a woman who I swear lives at our gym. She seems to have made herself quite at home.

Red velvet, I will call her, for her flaming red hair that streaks with her dark roots that reminds me of a red velvet cupcake.

She is drenched in the perfume, Angel and wears heavy dark eye makeup. How this makeup does not run is a shock to me after spin class.

Today Red Velvet has set herself up in the ladies lounge. Her laptop hooked up, her arms stretched out across the only couch available to sit on and the faint sound of Rihanna "only girl in the world' coming from her headphones.

Red Velvet doesn't look up when I sit across the lounge from her. I know its because I am not Rihanna and also because I am not the locker room attendant woman who is her bff.

I kinda wanna makeup a song for her.

That is all.

adventures in the workplace

so i always laugh at myself at work.

for instance: today i was waiting for the fax machine to send me a confirmation and i was bored. I peered at the screen to see the progress....read a random flyer on the copy room counter....gazed around and i noticed the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall. Thinking it would be a good time to sanitize my hands since i had nothing better to do, i placed my hand under the dispenser. what happened next i did not expect. A FLOOD OF HAND SANITIZER came rushing out and dripping down my arm. i tried to rub it in just on my hands but they became oversaturated quickly. Before i knew it i was practically showered in hand sanitizer.

or the days where you need one page in the middle of a 114 page document, and you print all 114 pages and you need it like yesterday for your boss who is shouting your name from his office every 5 seconds to find out if you've printed that 1 page, page #111.

Or yesterday when i had to go out and pick up a document from another office "across the street" so my boss said, and i read the address wrong and walked five blocks down when i realized the building was really ACROSS THE STREET.

yesterday was a goodie of a day - i spoke with this secretary/assistant maybe three times for the first time ever in my whole life. I didn't think much of it. we were both lovely people, i mean thats what you do, you're nice to other assistants because we're all in the same boat. if you're an assistant who is nasty to other assistants you're just a miserable b*tch and there is no hope for you. do us all a favor and go work at the DMV. thats where miserable people work. Because in the end all we have is eachother to survive in the workplace.

So anyway, Noreen at 515 Madison Avenue agrees to meet me in the lobby of her building so i can make another pickup. (different from pickup stated above). I arrive in her lobby and wait. I'm trying to remember the description she sent me of herself and figure she'll realize when i am the only one waiting in the lobby that i am waiting for her and she will make herself known. WELL. Noreen comes around the corner on her cell phone. Sees me. Tells the person on her cell phone she'll call them right back. proceeds to RUN, JUMP, HUG ME (dramatic reinactment) kiss me on the cheek and exclaim how happy she is to meet me.

Cue me trying to hide the confusion on my face.

this is just another edition of adventures in the workplace.

no rush on rosh hashanah

As a non-jew we learn a few things during the jewish holidays: 95% of those on the train either are jewish or work for establishments that close for the holidays. Us other 5% are not so fortunate. But on the plus side I have no one snorkeling next to me on the subway this morning. In fact, my bag even has a seat!

Heartbreak Hotel

I once heard a story of heartbreak. A girl who had given herself so fully, as she always did, but this time it was given to a person who knew nothing about giving back. This person was an expert at taking and knowing just how to keep getting. It was too late when the girl realized she was dealing with a master deceiver. Her heart was fully invested, beating only for this person she thought she knew. She felt her heart burst into a million piece when the truth was revealed.

"But, but, she loved me, didnt she?" The girl questioned. "But, wait. All the things I've said to you, did for you, all the sweet words you said back to me, were they never said? Did I hear you wrong?" The girl said, left with confusion, anger and sadness.

Where would she go and what would she do? Who could she trust?

She was left to put her heart back together, alone. Examining each piece, re-living the past, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to get back the heart she had before this all began. This was all even more painful than the moment of truth. Everyone told her healing was the hardest part, for it would not be quick. Why was this fair? There was no pain for this other person!

* * *

The heart is a funny thing. We think of the heart as a physical organ in our body that pumps blood and keeps us going. Then there is the figurative heart. <3. This heart still beats but it can also break from emotion. You can "give" your heart to someone.

I always wonder about heartbreak. I have been so lucky to not experience much. But the little that has come my way, its a tricky game. Life, love, friendship, trust.

Be good to those around you. Be good to those who love you for who you are. Keep your mind open, hold your heart safely. Give slowly, carefully. If you are a giver, overly compassionate, be proud and love yourself for it. We are a rare bunch. We keep whatever peace, love and goodness that is left in this world alive.

one of these things is not like the other

The sun is hot on the subway platform this morning. I find it awkward that I can see the building I work in from here.

It is hard when ur heart is somewhere else. Longs to be doing something more fulfilling. And its hard to put ur whole self into what u are doing to get by. I know im where I am so that I don't get comfortable. I was so cozy where I was there wasn't anything I really longed for. Occasionally it would cross my mind...its good to be uncomfortable right now. Its just keeping me motivated to get comfortable where I belong.

I can fit in anywhere. Do any job and do it well. Its my nature. But most mistake that as feeling like you belong. There's a difference.

I fit in in every office I've worked in. But I knew it wasn't where I belonged as a whole. In tax cert it was where I was meant to be inside that office, in my pod its where I am meant to be and the girls do a good job of making me feel like I belong.

The thought of belonging, truly being who I am every day will be one of the biggest blessings of my life and the way things are now, uncomfortable, I wont stop til I am there.

dog show

Dear lesbian dog owners,
Your discussion and recruiting of your "neighborhood dog club" at the vet needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. Archie the adorable Pomeranian is super cute but your voices are fucking annoying. You wondering why Archie looks sad? Its because your voices are fucking irritating and he wants to go be a fluffy ball of cuteness in peace!

Dear readers,
I apologize for my profanity.

subway diaries

Really dude with fake rodent hanging over your shoulder? Wearing a black and white striped fedora w a red feather in ur hat? Aviators and green gingham shirt? Get away from me or u and ur rodent are likely to hear me scream bloody murder.

After seeing an episode of "Infested!" This weekend, a reality show about exterminators I look at fuzzy creatures with beadie eyes much differently. They kill cats. Im not ok with that.

In other news, early this morning was a "Lets Get Physical" music video walk off on our train. Knee brace on each knee, zebra shorts, green and yellow workout shirt w a matching sweatband. Stop it now.

Btw MTA no one needs to take the fifth R train in a row. We need an N or a Q.

relaxed and ready to get out of here.

funny things come to mind when i'm relaxed. and i start to relax around 5:20pm. thats ten minutes before i get to leave work.

tonight i'll get to drag my ass around astoria park after the hungry hungry hippo hurricane weekend i had.

yeah thats right, whats better than being forced to sit home for 48 hours straight and because you stocked up on "non perishables" it gives you the right to eat everything even though your power didn't go out.

see we didn't stock up on non perishables but we had it planned for michelle's family to come over and celebrate her birthday. our party crasher, irene, left us with a lot of goodies to consume. the party wasn't a total bust, but i mean, why not cook swedish meatballs for an army, chicken nugget things with honey mustard dipping sauce and hot cheddar and salsa dip? WHY NOT? irene is coming! what else do we have to do with ourselves but to fill the tub with water, wait for the electric to go out and EAT!?

and then, when the power doesn't go out, the tub gets emptied and you weigh yourself what kind of excuse do you have?

no excuse. not even an excuse to escape the track waiting for you at the end of the day today. as you sluggishly climbed the subway stairs this morning, out of breath and you say "damn you swedish meatballs, cheese and crackers, diet mountain dew! DAMN YOU IRENE!"

i feel for people named irene. you know they just were the brunt of everyone's jokes and probably wanted to punch everyone i the face all week and weekend.

three minutes to go. hopefully the trains run so slow i can get out another blog post. if not, let me just say this - lady gaga is amazing and i can guarantee you, one of your relatives dresses in drag in secrecy. TIME TO GET USED TO IT!

JO CALDERONE!

takin it to the streets

Here is my first entry from the streets aka not at a computer.

I found it to be very unfortunate that a whole box of trix cereal was smashed to pieces on the platform for the uptown 6 at lex and 51st.

Today on my way to the subway walking thru the park I took note of the mouse/rat that appeared to either be dead or resting. A woman walking her dog gave mouse/rat a look of disappointment and looked at me and said something in broken english I didn't understand but acknowledged anyway...moments later after she was long gone I realized she said "he need a nap he lazy" Idk. Just sharing.

I always give my seat to pregnant women on the subway and I want to punch people who don't when I don't have a seat to give up. There have been an awful lot of pregnant women too. They are everywhere and when I see them I look at their belly and want to say to growing baby "ur lucky u don't know how bad this guy's B.O. is next to me baby."

There's a Hurricane A'Comin

i am worried about hurricane irene.

there i said it.

i'm already thinking about boarding up my windows and taking cover. i cannot concentrate about much else.

well, thats not completely true.

BARAMI IS HAVING A SALE!

and so, that is where i went for cover during the earthquake of 2011.

actually this is how it happened:

barami having an 80% off sale.

i'm browsing.

i exit barami.

cell phone rings.

michelle: ARE YOU OKAY?
me: yeah! i went to a sale at barami before calling you first.
michelle: OMG THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY. WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE.

i pull my half eaten turkey sandwich from my bag and continue on with my afternoon. guessing i should head back to the building and see if my podmates monica and ileana are okay, i keep looking for signs of said earthquake from the other pedestrians. no word, no cell phone talk of it, no grasping of one another and freaking out, nothing.

i get closer to my building and everyone the starts piling out of the building like ants from their hole.

i run into christina, a coworker of mine who actually moved here from virginia, "the epicenter of the quake" (as randomer put it to me later, pump up the dramatics) a few months ago and she says she doesn't understand when this earthquake occurred, i told her i understood, i felt crazy because i was at barami's 80% off sale.

i get in touch with monica and ileana and they asked me if i was okay and i said i didn't feel anything i was at the sale at barami.

and then started the randomer asking me questions about what happened. "do we know anything yet?" "5.8" i said "earthquake" ::EXCLAMATORY VOICE:: FIVE POINT 8!

i hear margarita, my other coworker on her cell phone "cinco (word for point in spanish) ocho" (or however you spell 8 in spanish).

it wasn't until i was about to go back up that i realized the randomer works in my office, i didn't recognize her without her desk in front of her.

some people went home, some people came back up into the building and here i am. at my desk.

i email my boss: just checking in, you know, because we had an earthquake, which i didn't feel. hope you are well.

his response: thanks. didn't feel it here either.

i wonder if he was at the barami sale too.

life's not the french riviera

everytime i have something to seriously write, i am not near a computer. apparently i can send posts to my blog via my cellular device, but i am not sure if i am ready for that technological freedom. there is just something about the doogie houser/carrie bradshaw traditional "i am at a computer putting down all my thoughts" situation that makes blogging more satisfying.

watch. tomorrow i'll be sending updates every minute via the cell.

lets discuss pulling a detour.

yesterday in barnes and noble i was walking along with my headphones on through the stacks of books. i had my head down looking at my playlist when i recognized a pair of tan, peep toe shoes with a dark brown patent leather lining. 'i know these shoes' i thought 'omg its carol'

carol was the woman who trained me here at my new office. now, its not that carol isn't nice with her short, obviously dyed red hair, sweater tied around neck, tortoise framed glasses and awkward shaped body, its just that i had nothing to say to carol and she is the type of person to want to "catch up" and i was not about to "catch up with carol" - which by the way, is a great title for a talk show.

i was actually impressed with carol, that she didn't have her reebok's on with her skirt. because amid the sea of stark white sneakers and slacks, i spotted her shoes. thank goodness. there would've been no detour and it would've been all catching up with carol. and if you read yesterday's blog, you would know that right before i detoured carol i was visited by a hobbit sluping out of a yellow plastic bag. i would've needed a lunch hour for the lunch hour (you know how those people say "i need a vacation after my vacation! ah teehee" NO.)

more later...

Lunchtime Adventures and such.

I currently follow Cat Kuehn's fashion blog. its called ....um...Cat Got Dressed. She's my little cousin, although she is no longer little. She is going to make me a dress for her wedding in November, how selfish of me. "hey cat, plan on making me a dress for your wedding, on top of everything else you have to do to plan your wedding. thanks!!"

So I don't normally blog but I love to write, so I'm going to give this my best shot. My last job didn't allow us to have access to blog sites but now I am free to blog!!

Lets talk about LinkedIn. I feel like, i don't know.... LinkedIn tries to be business facebook. I could be wrong because I only signed up for LinkedIn to get information about somebody, you know, just to see a picture of them or something, and that was the last I used it and now I've gotten a billion requests to LINK IN with people and I just want to unsubscribe.

Unsubscribe. Love that little link at the end of those junk e-mails that I should really click but I don't because really? What would I do if my phone just didn't go off every minute of the morning from 5am - 8am? what would I do if i didn't roll my eyes at all the junk e-mails i get to my now old e-mail address? I need SOMETHING to complain about! and then, when a jem of a junk e-mail rolls through, like a coupon or a notification that someone has free shipping or 15% off happening, I say to myself, this is why i can't unsubscribe!

Someone in one of the offices is listening to an opera - but i can't hear it all the way. that i hate the most. can't stand that. let me hear what you're listening to don't give me muffled version!!! Even if it is an opera!

Today at lunch this exhausted old hobbit sat down at the table i was sitting at. I had my AMNew York spread out in front of me with my homemade lunch and I was perusing the article about the MTA's new additions of subways and trains which won't open until 2016 (why do they waste their time and our money when the world is ending next year?) and I understand that people need a seat and i'm sitting at a 6 top, just me and my bag - but there was something about her that turned my stomach. Maybe it was the hobbit part. or maybe it was because she took out her own homemade lunch and instead of taking it out of the yellow plastic bag she put her head into the bag and started slurping up whatever was inside of it. Needless to say i calmly sipped my water, gathered my trash (love that word), closed my AMNew York and slowly pulled it together to leave the table, TRYING NOT TO SEEM LIKE i was leaving because hobbit was slurping lunch out of yellow plastic bag.